How to Cope with Grief During the Holidays

We’ve all seen it: in every shop window, website tab, and cheery Starbucks cup, there’s some form of Christmas cheer. Every decoration, movie, and even well-meaning friend insists that it’s the “most wonderful time of the year.” But if you’re missing someone this Christmas, the well-wishes might feel meaningless. In fact, the gatherings and parties feel like they’re impossible to get through, leaving you to wonder how to cope with grief during the holidays.

If this sounds like you, remind yourself that you’re not alone. Almost everyone on earth will go through a holiday period like this. Grief is a normal and appropriate thing to feel when you’re missing someone you love. And when the holidays are all about meeting with people you love, it’s normal to feel the weight of grief.

But getting through the holidays–and even enjoying them–is still possible. In this article, we’ll show you how to do that.

How to Cope with Grief Over the Holidays

The Hospice Foundation of America has some great advice on how to cope with grief during the holidays. We’ve summarized their advice and added a bit of our own below.

Talk to Someone You Trust

Grieving the loss of a loved one proves difficult, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Talking to a trusted person in your life about what you’re truly thinking and feeling might help ease the pain a little. Find someone who listens to you with empathy and compassion. In addition, they should be able to help you process what you’re going through.

Many people who have been through grief find it helpful to work through their thoughts and emotions with a qualified mental health professional. Counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers possess the training necessary to help people through difficult life circumstances. Specifically, we recommend finding one who specializes in treating grief.

If you’re not sure where to start, take a look at PlushCare. This site allows you to enter some personal information (which is kept confidential). Then, it uses this information to match you with providers.

Worried about affording therapy? Fortunately, many providers offer sliding scale fees. When you reach out to them for services, let them know you’re interested in sliding scale services. Then, they’ll likely ask you for information regarding your income and necessary expenditures. Based on this information, they’ll give you a discounted price on their services.

If you’re looking for therapists who take insurance, we recommend taking a look at Talkspace.

Choose Your Activities

With the holiday season now in full swing, you’re probably feeling the pressure from friends and family members. Some of them may want you to attend dinners or holiday parties, while others might invite you out to see Christmas markets or lights. If these holiday routines have been a part of your life for a while, the pressure to attend might feel pretty intense.

However, sometimes, people dealing with grief and loss find that these events exacerbate their feelings of sadness. So, we want to normalize choosing only the events you feel up to doing. Remember: your mental health and well-being are more important than traditions. It’s okay to let traditions pass by this year if it means you will have more peace and a greater chance at happiness this season.

In fact, you may even want to reserve your right to turn down invitations at the last-minute if you’re not feeling like it.

Still, we recommend not isolating yourself completely during the holidays. In fact, isolation often contributes to depressive episodes. So, if you’re feeling like your mental health is suffering, give yourself both space to breathe and time to be with others.

Communicate

Everyone copes with grief in different ways, and that’s okay. However, it sometimes makes holiday planning a little bit more difficult. For some people, being around people helps immensely, and others need more space. So, if you’re choosing which activities to attend, you’ll need to communicate your needs so there are no misunderstandings.

Not sure how to tell all this to family? Here’s a format you might want to try:

Thank you so much for your kind invitation. I love you so much, and I feel really honored to have spent the past holiday seasons with you. However, as you can imagine, this season is quite challenging for me given the loss of *important person in your life*.

While in an ideal world, I would spend this time with you, I truthfully don’t know what I’ll be feeling up to this holiday season. Would it be alright with you if I let you know if I’m coming closer to the date? If you need a headcount, please let me know the latest possible date I can get back to you.

Again, I really value my relationship with you. If it turns out we can’t spend this particular time together, I hope we can plan to get together sometime in the near future. Let’s talk or get together soon!

Likewise, if you have any strong feelings about what should or shouldn’t be done, get together with your family and discuss them. Make sure you state your needs and are open to listening to others.

Compromise

Finally, remember that everyone experiences grief differently. So, even if staying away from certain events helps you, it may not help everyone. Resolve to listen to everyone intently and attempt to understand where they’re coming from. Keep conversations as civil as possible and do your best to find a compromise that keeps everyone in mind.

Get Through the Holidays

No matter what you decide to do when determining how to cope with grief during the holidays, make sure you keep yourself and your well-being at the forefront. Finding ways to commemorate your loved one can help, but so can giving yourself peace and time away from the festivities.

Regardless of how you spend this time of year, we hope you’re able to find what you need for your mental health and find some way to enjoy the season!